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Inside Out: The Outcome

Martin phoned me a few weeks later. Their Inside Out had received the greatest viewing figures that week, although I was unsure whether people were tuning in to see me or the man behind Little Nellie of You Only Live Twice fame. Of course, the shit had hit the fan spectacularly, but he seemed most irked by the sheer number of producers, directors and location managers whod were phoning him and asking how hed gained permission to film there - even though the real presenter of Inside Out bookended my piece with a stern faced annoucement about how we trespassed and were being very, very naughty.

Because Im also cheeky, I suggested a location manager try contacting English Partnerships (unelected government quango who delight in saying no) about a potential film. I met him in a Soho pub a few weeks later which turned into a lovely session of binge drinking with the producer. You know Simon he said, I phoned English Partnerships and asked to talk with the top man. Youve got to talk to the top man. He took another sip and paused before delivering the punch line. He said that there was absolutely no way, ever, EVER, we would ever be allowed to film there EVER. I won't repeat what he then had to say about English Parterships.

A shame. English Partnerships have a huge portfolio of properties that would make wonderful film sets. But they only seem to be fixated on demolition - sorry - regeneration of their fine old public and government buildings. Its so sad they lack the imagination to permit this. Plus they also deprieve the government of some potential extra venue (and were talking about tens of thousands a week for some locations).

The few potential urban explorers who saw Inside Out subsequently joined 28dayslater. Oh, the irony.

Photographs: © Simon Cornwell 2006
Text: © Simon Cornwell 2008

The ruinous upper floors of the Ditchingham Maltings..